Nataly

2007-06-18T15:00:00.000-07:00

life must go on

2007-06-13T21:06:00.000-07:00

So I realized how sad those last post were, and it came to me that I've been quite sad lately. I'm not to sure why I don't if it's the fact that I hate my job, or that I wish I had someone to come to. Or maybe it's the fact that as lonely as I feel I don't want to let anyone close to me afraid that they will hurt. I don't want to go through the part of getting over the fact that they are no longer in my life. I really don't want to deal with all of that again I don't want to compare it to like mama and papa leaving us, but sadly I do. I don't know how not to feel alone after they left. And the thing that has me even more confused with my own being is that I want nothing more than to have what they had. That undying love, that love that more what you did that person will always be there, forgive all you mistakes. Why does it seem like that is so far from me that all I can do is dream and hope that someday I will have that. That I would want to come home and cook,clean for someone that just can't see life with out me. I only pray that I could be so lucky. Maybe I just need to stop being sad and look at life that I'm still here and that I still have the chance and that someday I will have that to.
I only hope

IDK

2007-06-12T21:32:00.000-07:00

So I'm laying here in bed thinking of all that is going on in my world right now and I can't help but to blame myself. How do I get so twisted and confused when it comes to men. Ok for those of you that me, know that I fall in love to easily, I think that who ever this guy may be pne night in his arms is all I need and I think it's more than what it really is. Case and point Justin met him at work real chill guy and just gorgeous, we hung out a few times spent a few nights with him. Thought things were going good actually thought that I could possibly have a relationship with this guy. But of course I got my signals mixed again and that was not what he was after. I almost knew that but I wanted to believe otherwise just keep hope alive that maybe I wasn't going to be alone. But of course here I'm on a rainy night with a horrible headache all alone in this bed wanting so hard to be asleep to cure my headache. But sleep seems to be out of the question, because I want to feel someone else's body heat next to mine. One can only wish, right that someday all dreams and wants will be fulfilled, that happiness will find me. I'm seriously ready to get a girlfriend or give up on finding love all together.

what is the world doing to me

2007-06-12T16:05:00.000-07:00

Ok so if life didn't suck enough I get yet another reason to be sad. And it always at the time when I want nothing more than to be happy. I finally got fed up with my job well simply because I've spent to much of my time flirting with the males at work. And now the search starts for a new job. And I'm looking at this job at the hospital with my mom. But hopefully I get it, I need a changed in life.

sad eyes

2007-05-29T16:58:00.000-07:00

So when ppl look at me they see these blue eyes that are full of sadness. I just can't seem to help my eyes lookin so sad,it doesn't seem to matter that things seem to be going for me right now I still feel sad, I feel empty I feel like I need someone to love me. Or not just love me but curl up next to me, and hold my face in their hands and so just show me that I'm special. I don't understand why I can't seem like I can't seem to make a relationship to work with anyone. I still feel like I'm broken like I can't seriously think like I will never be able to ever get close to anyone again and that is just something I can ever get my head around the fact that I will be alone the rest of my days. God please give me a sign that I'm gonna be ok.

I got in!!!!

2007-03-06T14:14:00.001-08:00

ao its 3.15 pm my sister just called me I GOT INTO METRO!!! I'm going Back toSCHOOL!!!!

untitled

2007-03-06T11:36:00.000-08:00

so tomorrow will be a whole month since my grandma passed away and yet it still doesnt seem real. besides the fact that i cant pick up the phone and call her doesnt make it real. besides the fact that i know she isnt with us anymore that i cant get on a plain and touch her doesnt mean she is gone does it? i'm feeling lonely like i did when my grandfather passed away and yet i cant seem to find the reason why? i mean i know that im feelin alone and a bit lost but i know that she is in a much better place and that she is with my grandfather and that they are watchin over me and my family but that isnt enough to let go of them. like after i got my tattoo for my grandfather i havent felt him i havent felt like he is with me i guess he thought i was ok now without him but i dont think im ok at all.. in the last few months especially after mama died i have been going back to my old ways a lil lookin and searchin for somethin to make me happy. i recently got a new job i start next monday that made me very happy, but only cuz i get away from norma and her evil ways. im waiting to know if metro would expect me to start attending classes in may still no word so its makin nervous. im feeling more at home every day that goes by. its becoming routine for my parents and grandma to ask me to come home but it doesnt feel like home anymore. is this what being my own person feels like? how do you make someone see that you are happy and ok where u are at? when they dont want to believe it? and how do you tell someone that you like them when you know they like you but they arent makin a move? is there even a point to putting yourself out there? when you dont want to hurt anymore. maybe that is what im feelin hurt instead of lonely, hurt that i wasnt able to go to DR to see my grandmother one last time, hurt that i wasnt there to mourn like everyone else, hurt i feel like i had so much time with and i was selfish and didnt apreciated the way i should have, hurt that i cant seem to find someone for me in this wonderful town of aurora, hurt that i cant find peace by just praying. hurt that im hurt. i should be fine i got to see her before she died i can to talk to her i got her blessings one last time.. why is this happening.. why is that as soon as i get on my feet something happens and i get knocked down one more time. whats the point on gettin back up. why is that when he holds me nothing matters that it seems like the world and its problems stop? and why is that he isnt willin to be that for me all the time? why is that he is shuttin me out his world? why is that i have some many unanswered questions? there most be something that i missed somewhere, something that if i knew the answer to maybe i wouldnt be hurt or feeling lost or whatever it is that i feel.. i really dont understand what i feel but im thinkin that i need a massafe something to relax me so i can think with a clear head and find my way back to the way i need to be. help anyone

si esto no puedo ser- camila

2007-02-21T06:27:00.000-08:00

Today is a Wednesday and two weeks ago my grandmother left this world. And the last thing she said to me was to go back soon and see her, but I couldn't do that cuz of money problems. I feel soo guilty. and i know it wasnt something that could completely control but how i wish i could have gone, it still doesnt feel real. at least not to me, my grandmother was like... life... simply said she was the reason why the world turned the sun rose in the morning erasing the fog and leaving the grass lightly kissed with rain.
when i think of my grandmother, i cant help but to think i was selfish a lot of the times and memories that i could have had with her.. sometimes i think i like i didnt spend enough time gettin to know her and her world.. i mean i have pleanty of stories but i never once asked her to teach me how to cook something so i could one day maybe try and cook like her. never once did i ask her to teach me how to make cheese, or teach me one of her favorite songs. and it wasnt that i didnt have the chance i was lucky i got her to "myself" so to say when i lived in DR for 5 years and i spent every weekend with her but i was soo young and such a kid that i thought she was gonna live forever and that she was always go be there for when i was ready to learn to be completly devoted to her and her world.
im very grateful to have to seen her right before she passed but now i remember they way she looked at me. she looked at me like she was scared like she wanted to me to help her some how and i didnt quite know how, she looked at me like she wanted me to make the pain go away so rest peacefully. i got there on wednesday, and that night i was laying down in the room next to her and i heard her gettin sick and i got up as quickly as i could to go be at her side, and that is when she gave me that look to help her and i couldnt i stood there not sure what was going happen next or to what my aunts wanted me to do to help. but once they cleaned her up i went i stood next to her as she sat in her wheelchair and i rubbed her back.
lately i have been feeling empty especially after papa died but now im beyond lost and i really dont know left or right up or down... everything is kinda like a blurr and i pray to them last night.. being that it doesnt feel real to me just yet, my dad took this very hard, i havent heard my dad laugh he smiles at work but that it cuz he has to. and i asked them to help him.. to make things ok for him.. when it feels real to me like it really happen that she is no longer here and i cant go to her house and rub her back or put my hand on her head and kiss her forhead as i said my good bye to her once i know and i feel like she is really gone then ill ask her to guide me to thing she wants me to do..

Tan solo tu, solamente quiero que seas tu mi locura, mi tranquilidad y mi delirio, mi compas y mi camino solo tu, solamente quiero que seas tu yo pongo en tus manos mi destino porque vivo para estar siempre, siempre contigo amor. Camila

since she died.. i decided to go back to school, study criminal justice and criminiology.. find a new job something will make me happy, that i will want to get out of bed for.

i hope she is watchin from where she is, and that she is proud of me and that she knows that i love her and i miss her and i wish i could pick up a phone call her and talk to her ask her how she is doing. i want hear her laugh or her tell me a joke or ask me to go eat lunch with her..

i have no way of ending this without sayin more and more of the person she was with this great big heart..

Que Dios la Tenga en su gloria

2007-02-14T09:49:00.000-08:00

Ok so its been a week since my Grandma passed away and it has taken me that long to post cuz well simply i couldnt get my head around what really had just happened.. i still cant so i cant really say much more than what i just did when im ready i will say every thing.

Que Dios me la Tenga en su Gloria .. Mama nunca la olvidare lo que usted me enseño y la legasia que usted dejo estara en mi corazon y en my vida por el resto de mis dias. la extraño.

my death

2007-01-22T09:33:00.000-08:00

soooo my parents have just recently found out my 3(out of 4) tattoos and my death will be arrivin soon in case i dont get to say good bye to everyone in this world..

Karla i love ya and i will take to my grave your own tats. thank you for being there for me through thick and thin and i will be watchin from where i end up (probably HELL) but i will use my presuacion to get daniel to get on his game and do something like i dont know get on a plane and sweep you of your feet.. hehe that would be worth dyin for

Caro i love ya you have always been my other hip.. and the one that completes me cuz karla makes whole person but in between us two we are the perfect package.. hehe.. i might see you were ever i end up because im certain ones my father tells ur father there will be a double murder happening in this familia...

Gabe well my dear i hope that if u get ur own tats that no one will want to murder you and maybe the will so i will take that as well to my grave. so my dear i will also work my magic ways on the lady of your choice so just let me know who it is and i will be on it from were ever i may be.. after my father beats the living pulp out of me so yea.. i love ya

Joe, i sorry to have left in such a hurry i should have cleaned up my room but well my father decided that could wait and killin me was more important.. so umm love ya ill come help you clean from the dead..

just kiddin my peps i dont think he is gonna murder just yet.. cuz he could have done it yesterday when he saw the 36 and all the other ones but since he hasnt killed me yet and im sure he has seen my tats pleanty of times before i think i may live just a lil bit longer.. maybe if i get one more he may actually do it.

Trials and tribulations

2007-01-22T09:24:00.000-08:00

ok so im trying the daitin game one moregain but so far not so bueno.

the guy i really like his name is Bryan.. he is so nice and sweet and like everything ive never found in another guy before. the problem is that i dont know where he stands with us. i dont know if he is still in the friend zone or if he wants to move on and make it official or if he just wants to stay friends.. i mean he is the guy that all guys should want to be like.. he isnt all about gettin the booty or braggin to his friends about who is hittin and all that jazz that guys talk about. he is more like the guy that i would want to be with for while.. he wants to take things slow he wants to like to get know me the real me that just the person that im when im out with my friends but the person am i when i trust someone.

this is crazy but i cant seem to put my finger on what it is that im attracted to him.. maybe cuz i know that he wont hurt me and if he does he'll do it in a gentel way.

i've talked to him about my grandfather and he understands what im feeling.. today being 6 months to the day that my grandfather left us i feel it a lil more than every other day that has gone by without him. last night the conversations and the tickets search began for the summer vacation and well i felt extra empty.. how do i explain to anyone that doesnt get me what im feeling when it comes to that.. for some apparent reason i seem to be able to trust Bryan with that and i bearly know him. but i dont want to get to close and tell him too much cuz what if it turns out that he doesnt want to me more than just friends i feel crushed and then i push him away..

am i thinking this too much? am i stressin for nothing?? maybe i should just stop thinkin about it and let it take its own course it wants to take, right??

Mi nueve nombres

2007-01-16T14:46:00.000-08:00

1. Your name:
Nataly
2.YOUR GANGSTA NAME: (first three letters of your name, plus izzle)Natizzle3. YOUR DETECTIVE NAME: (fav color and fav animal)
Blue Lion
4. YOUR SOAP OPERA NAME: (middle name, and current street name)
Ms. Salida
5. YOUR STAR WARS NAME: (the first 3 letters of your last name, first 2 letters of your first name, first 3 letters of dad's name)
Tornarob
6. SUPERHERO NAME: (2nd favorite color, favorite drink)
Pink Bacardi
7. IRAQI NAME: (2nd letter of your first name, 3rd letter of your last name, 3rd letter of your middle name, 2nd letter of your moms maiden name, 3rd letter of your moms middle name, 1st letter of a siblings first name, last letter of your moms middle name)
Natorcatarosda
8. WITNESS PROTECTION NAME: (fathers middle name)
Rafael
9. GOTH NAME: (3rd favorite color, and the name of one your pets)Black REPOST as My Nine Names

Broke

2007-01-05T14:33:00.000-08:00

some where along the line i seem to have lost me and i feel broken.
i feel like i have missed a step somewhere have completely fallen off the map that was my life. i dont know which way will lead me to were i was. do i want to go back to who i was? in a way yes i want to feel happy and whole again, but i dont think the pieces will ever fit back together the way they used to.. i replay my past few month especially july like if it was a movie. i see everythin like i were an actor in the movie and the cameraman.. i look and i see myself and i look out of my eyes and i see papa layin in that coffin. and i cant seem to stop replaying the first time i saw him.
that day was another hot summer day of nyc. you could smell the sweat of the asfalt and the aroma of the chinese food dinner that i was walkin torwards to get myself a small mail before headin to the funeral home. i walked back to the apartment with food in my hand looking around at the neighboorhood i dont remember anymore i felt when i was so young that it looks so different than what i remembered even the apartment building i grew up in looked so different. and i didnt remember the last time the sun didnt feel warm agaisnt my skin. i was terrified on to what was about to happen within 20 mins of this short walk.

i sat at this table with someone i couldnt stomach and still cant and with 4 children that didnt know who i was and why i was there in that apartment with them. life had taken a different look for me and i didnt want to see through those eyes. my chinese food was hot and honestly i didnt feel like eatin much so i took my food in to the kitchen into the microwave the second my dad saw this he said it was time. and well i wasnt ready for the time to have come. i looked at karla who was sittin in papas chair and was like ill see you there. so as im sittin the back of tia marianas car her with me in the backseat and my parents up front and johnny carpooling a few people to the funeral home and i started to look around to were we were driving to and things started to make sence we were right by my old house on etna st. i felt like i was 10 again and that caro my neighboor a few blocks down "walking distance" that gricy had just gotten married and was living in a basement off of ridgesomething or the other. by the time i came back to reality we had arrived to the funeral home and well i wasnt ready at all to go but i gather the lil strenght i had left and i walked in. we went all the way down to room were he was supposed to be but they hadnt brought him up yet. so they went to go get him i wanted to run i wanted to hide i wanted to be anywhere but there.

i took me a second but i decided that the best thing for me to do was to take a moment down stairs in the bathroom. the floor was marbel so every step i took made a different sound and sound that sounded like the place was haunted that i was the only walking and breathing thing there. i cant remember who i met someone in the bathroom that was related to me and it was female and she aksed are you ready. i think i smiled and i washed my hands took a few deep breaths and walked up the narrow stair case. to get to the room papa was in you had to walk by this other mans room and he was all alone and i felt bad for him and i wondered if that was what my grandfather would like. the place smelled cold and of sweat. it was so hot out side and it was so cold inside it was like a cold that wasnt like a good cold it was a scary cold.

when i walked up into the lobby there were 3 people i saw, joey, karla, and gabe. i ran to karlas side i needed her support so that i could walk through the door. joey came to my side and held my hand for second and i knw that if i didnt do it know i would never do it. i saw him and i lost it and i couldnt see, hear or even think of anyone else all i saw was him laying there i wanted to so bad to walk back out to have never seen what i had just seen.

that is the last memory the memory i cant seem to erase of my grandfather is that. i dont want it to be that.
i wanted to be the moments when i lived in DR so close to him that i would go visit him every weekend and bring him a bunt cake.
or the many times that we spent lookin at the cows or watchin him sleeping after his noon meal.
i cant seem to get that picture out of my mind....

i started writtin this on 1/2/07 since then i have gotten a tattoo with my grandfathers number and it has giving me a lil bit of a breather and i havent thought of him in that way which makes me feel a lot more at ease. and so now im done writting thank you for readin it ready does make me feel great, to get it all out.

End of the CHAPTER RA>>

2006-12-05T12:22:00.000-08:00

For those of you that did like Russ please raise your glasses up and cheer for the fact that is no longer a part or anywhere near being part of my life...
As for 1 am this morning all ties to him have been cut off. his number has been erased from my phone for good. and i miss him terribly and i dont know why. he has hurt me beyond belive and yet last night i felt like i was having a panic attack the moment i heard hey voice again downstairs.. why her? why must she haunt my life? i mean i never really met the girl and i really have nothing agaisnt her but God she has just about killed every hope that Russ would ever be my MAN. Oh boy! in some ways i have to thank her from saving me from the identity that is Russ. Laying in bed last night at 1 am listening to the screams that made my summer night complete, i felt like the air that i was breathing was intoxicated with venum and i couldnt and i didnt want to breath it but if i didnt would i have died? Or would i have died if i didnt know the true him and i hadnt been spared the moment of truth. When i moved in with Joe I felt like wow im finally gonna have the chance to do what i want when i want and i can see Russ how many times a week i want.. and then slowly the Russ i had built up in my head that man i thought was the end all beat all there was no one better for me than Russ, broke my heart but this time the damage was un fixable. He had broken my heart many many times before but oh this blow was directed at the base of the structure that was holding the thoughts of me and him being together. i felt like i had lost me when i lost him but ive been finding me, re building the fighter in me and finally she is back and wounded but she is fightin through it.

Last night at 1 am she was back and that was all the old me could take. I didnt have the balls to call him or the balls to go downstairs and them both to shut the fuck up well simply because i had been woken up from the warmest sleep i had been able to get in a long time and in the blink of an eye it was gone. i was cold short of breath and i couldnt quite piece everythin together i thought that i was dreamin till i was walking around my room looking for a sweater to feel warm again and that i was really hearing what i was hearing. i was looking for a warm spot to lay on my bed once my stomach starting hurtin and i felt like i was goin to be sick in the moments where i was in the bathroom deciding whether he was worth throwing up over i realized that i couldnt fisically take anymore of this.. of this hell he had just put me through. i did however have enough balls to tell him to erase me from his memory and phone and im tryin to do the same.

So like i said u werent to fond to the guy raise your glasses and kiss his ass goodbye.
Russ dont let the door hit you and your way out.
It maybe the toughest thing i may ever have to do in my life but in the long run i think it was what needed to be done to clean house..

Conversations with the FAT GIRL!!!

2006-11-30T13:04:00.000-08:00

Im so in love with this book i havent been able to put it down since i started reading it Karla let me borrow it on sunday and every chance i get i read it im on chater 23 and i cant help but think why i like it so much.. but oh well just wanted to let everyone know that Converstations with the Fat Girl is great book..

OOO and i met someone his name is Sean.

Some Times u gotta hate ur horoscope

2006-11-22T10:04:00.000-08:00

Wednesday, November 22, 2006
Leo (Jul 23 - Aug 22)
Even if you appear ready to roll with the incoming waves of change, you may feel more stuck than others realize. Your perspective is based on your feelings now, so your irrational opinions are not up for negotiation. You know what you feel and that's that. Your willingness to discuss the origins of your emotions, however, can transform a challenging day into a most positive experience.

What the hell does that mean???

Thanks to the transit of the sun, your ruling planet, into fiery Sagittarius, you are likely to be a larger than life presence today. Bluntness will be your main problem, as you won’t be able to help blurting things out! Great if your friends ask for an honest opinion, but watch how you are with your boss or your teachers!

now this one has nothing to do with the first one so which is on is it???

OHH WONDERFULL DAY... NOT!!!

2006-11-22T09:38:00.000-08:00

Ok you know its going to be a bad day when ur alarm clock skips a head an hour and u wake up way way way earlier than what u were supposed tooo. well that is how my day started. on the way to work i kept remembering the day that papa died and what i did first and how the rest of that day played out all of it i remember it like if i was standing outside a window and re livin that horrible day and this whole time.. i was thinking to myself is today the 22nd and yes it was its have been 4 months to the day that we lost our rock.. so im already sad when i get to work and find my father there.. im not in the mood for his controling ways today and of course that is how the day starts at work he wants me to write an email for him so i do so far nothing to bad and then he stars with his i need and this and this.. and its like it 7 in the morning i ve been up for way too long and it ways too early in the morning for u to start barking orders at me..but whatever i go on doing what im doing they way i want to cuz well im sad and i dont feel like doing much.. i look over at my desk and there are piles and piles of papers and im like why is my desk the dirtiest one oo i know i do everyones work plus mine.. but im salary so it really doesnt matter that i feel like shit and i dont want to be here i have put a smile on and pretend that i want to be here. so then whatever he starts checking the orders that are about to go out and he is like wait we have this and this and this why isnt it on the invoice or they order.. i was like maybe cuz it was done 6 pm and everyone here wanted to go home and honestly didnt feel like looking to through the mess that is our warehouse just a thought.. i never actually said this to him cuz well he is my father and my mom has told me that i need to stop taking my anger that i hold in from work at him but it soo hard to do when is one of the main reasons why i need to lash out on someone.. but i resisnting every urge i have to just go nuts and let him have it.. i still havent i just roll my eyes and pretend i dont hear him.. and then he asks me when he can make an appointment to get my brakes and oil changed and i was like well since im paying for ur daughter cell phone and well she decided she wanted to talk up a strom this month i dont know when.. he goes ur mother and i will be helping you with that bill and i was like ok well i dont know cuz i would like to buy some xmas gifts and he like dont be stupid and waste ur money on gifts... and i was just like since it doesnt look like im gettin my bonus for work and i dont think ill be able to afford anything really.. and he was like u will get ur bonus i was like no im not its not gonna happen.. so i guess this xmas will be a sad one for me.. i always get such a joy from giving people something i know they want or that they may need and i wont get to this year and it sucks!!! its bad enough that my dad still feels like he needs to control every part of my life even though i dont live with him any more i made the choice to leave and yes im struggeling a lil bit but its part of life for him to make me cry over the silliest thing like not being able to buy gifts its stupid and i cant believe he made me cry over that... and its almost like he wants to see what a mistake im making for leavin his house but i dont regret it and finally finding me and what i want and what i need with him tryin to control everything even though he does.. so know i feel like i need to cry some more and want to be alone for a while.. sorry everyone but i wont be having xmas glow or glee my father just stole xmas from me..

the emptiness

2006-11-14T11:11:00.000-08:00

the emptiness that is my love life.. i keep thinking that maybe i was wanting too much out of jason to fast and i ended up losing him for good and then i keep thinkin maybe he used to like me and then when he got to know me better he got freaked out cuz im alot to take sometimes.
i havent seen him since like his halloween party and now that him a joe dont work together i dont know if we will be attending his new years party would be just weird cuz i would want to get my kiss at midnight and well i dont know if that would be just pushing the envelope.. but this are just my thoughts.. im leaving blogger now cuz i just post 3 in a row and im little drained and i think i just confused myself.. love and kisses

The holidays

2006-11-14T11:05:00.000-08:00

Speaking of the holidays i must say im kinda not looking forward to thanksgiving... we all know i dont get along with xavier and i really dont want to break bread with the fucker. but i kinda feel like obigated to cuz of all that has happend this year losing papa and me leaving my parents house. i almost feel like i owe something to my family for becoming the bad seed of all the younger girls. leaving before i was married and like not leaving cuz im going to school or anything like that.. i really dont want to break bread with him especially since everytime i come near his stupid wife i apperently always do something to her and i really do want to do something to her but it doesnt mean that i have.. i have controlled every implose to push her down the stairs to make her eat Foxxies poop or to chop her hair off. i consider her theift that she deserves to have her hand chopped off for taking what was not hers.. (fyi she is a doctor..right) if she is doctor im the next bill gates. or the dominican oprah..

but im looking forward to xmas cuz it will be joe and mine first xmas together in our apartment together and their isnt anything cooler than that... we got out first inviation to and event together and i kinda wish like i want to frame it to like savor that moment for like forever... God im just weird.. oh well... my 4 love me.. that is all that matters..

The strans in your eyes they color them wonderful, stop me and steal my breath... Edwin mcCain

2006-11-14T10:33:00.000-08:00

so like any cold day i sit here at work and day dream cuz their isnt much of anything going on right now. Even though if everyone was here i would be on my mission getting this place ready for the wonderful holiday season that is upon us.
on caros page she posted about her boss got married and how she was day dreaming of her wedding. that got me thinkin about my wedding how it seems like it will never happen i cant seem to keep a guy interested in me for more than a week especially when im tryin to be good and not sleep with him right away.. go me on that point cuz it takes alot for me (horn ball that im) to not have sex with someone right away especially when i havent gotten any in a while. but anyways movin on so as i was sayin it doesnt seem like it is ever goin to happen.. i day dream alot about the future if how it will ever happen.
"pideme murir y morire.. pideme una estrella y te la alcanzare, pideme una fuga de sonrias y en una sigfonia te las cantare" milly quesada y fernando villanola
i can see us 5 chillin with karina and her soon to be newborn baby girl with our kids.. much much later in life. doing the whole weekend at so and so's place while the kids play and we catch up on our lives.. i see like me and karla and caro and ours boys wives doing the whole planning ahead to xmas parties and ins and out of what our kids wants. being each others comadres dish out on the family and the gossip of hollywood. like we do now only with 2 new best friends the kinds that will never get sick of having us over or goin to dinner like we the TF5 do now.. Only the new and imporved TF10 plus kids..
" Hoy en vuelto encontrarla, despues de tanto tiempo, fue dificil ayarla." Joseph Fonseca
Ok this kinda creepy i have my ipod on shuffle in it kinda going along with what im writing so that is the weird song phrases.

I never thought that i would want the whole like comadre deal with all my cousins and stuff but over the last few years i coudlnt see my life without them in it every sec possible.. i also cant see us living to far away from each other cuz now even that caro is away at school we talk all the time whether it is like online or by phone.. our husband would kill us if we were to far away frome each other we probably never get off the phone cuz like i think we would be the kind of the girls that would call the sec our kids did somethin great and amazing that kids do.. like first steps.. i know caro would have a camera in hand the sec that happens to any one of her kids.
" anda ve a decirle que estoy sufriendo, dile que no puedo con las venas." Alex Bueno
and we would get them in emails that very hour. i love my caro thats is for sure..
we are all so family oriented that i couldnt see us not having kids and being happy with who we decide to be with for the rest of our lives.
i can see us doing like a group pic of our kids for like xmas cards to send out to the rest of the family. stealing a page out of our older cousins book but hey!
but their is no one else i want in life for like the rest of forever than Caro, Karla, Gabe and Joe. and i know that whenever anyone of us get married it will be to someone that fits perfectly with each other like we do. it will just be like our lil joke grows into a more like our own lil family click if you may
"no te cambio por nada, no, no ,no no te cambio por nada, y por un viaje a figi." Ricardo Arjona

2006-11-10T12:10:00.000-08:00

God how he loved his Merengue Ripiao

With his Brother

My Parents with the Greats Man that Ever Lived!!

With His Kids

With His Brother and Sisters

Mi Viejo con Mama y sus Nietos.. Algunos Faltamos
Mi Viejo

"Viejo, Mi Querido Viejo, Yo soy tu sangre mi Viejo, Yo Soy tu sangre mi Viejo" Frank Reyes

2006-11-10T11:28:00.000-08:00

Today, is NOV. 10th its not just any friday, its not just another day at work. Today is my Viejos birthday!!! The first one with out him, I fell like the breath is being taken out of me with each minutes that passes by. On a day like today, we all would have taken our turns calling him, wishing a happy birthday checking on how he was feeling and when was his next trip to la hacienda. I remember his 90th birthday like it was yesterday. It was so HOT that day. It was 8/8/04 it was also my sister 14th birhtday.. I was wearing a black blackless dress with pink stripe along the edges. We made a point to try to and be there. But now today fells like it will never end i know that he gone i know it cuz i saw him in coffin i touched him i know he is never gonna come back to me to be with my on the events like these. I miss him so.. Caro wrote about when we arrived at the house with him and that was one of the most difficult days of my life and i thank god every day that i had caro there so we had each other to hold ourselves up.. but i can't the image of the aunts and uncles at the funeral home in NYC. The priest asked to make a semi circle in front of my grandfather and that was one the moments were i lost at the funeral another one was when he was telling us how papa was so proud of the picture from my madrina's party were his kids minus were together and happy. I miss him sooo much it hurts how much i miss him.. last night as i was trying to get some sleep i felt my body so heavy with pain, i couldn't bear the pain no way of layin was comfortable. I hope that he is looking down on me as i wish him a happy birthday! and that someday i will be with him again.

Papa Te quiero y te extraño cada dia mas! Espero que me estes viendo de donde estes y que tu sepas que te quiero mucho y que no hay un dia que no pienso en ti. En tus bromas tu risa y que la vida no es vida sin ti. Te mando besos y abrasos hoy que es tu dia, Mi querido Viejo.

"i'm leaving message and voicemails"

2006-10-30T07:43:00.000-08:00

No song that i have in rotation on my ipod explains what im feelin at this moment in time... here is what is goin on my roommates friend jason has me goin crazy i like him alot i think too much. i got word that he like me too but his actions that the moment in time arent showing that at all... so how the songs says i think im doin tooo much to catch him and well now im done for the moment in time... here is my analogy about this.. i have a few its liek your playing a game a of cards and u have a lot of money riding on it and you get the crapiest hand on this planet and you know there isnt a prayer in life that will make the other player lose cuz his hand most fuckin awsome but u kinda wanna take the chance and bluff your way to the money but you dont know if you should. so you are sittin there holdin the cards in one and the rest of your chips in another not sure what to do next.. ok that one the other is that i made my move and now the ball is in his court and he is doin nothin with it and im not sure why.. its like we are playin basketball and its almost the end of the 1st and still waitin for his move and time is runnin out and fast.. (im pretty sure basketball has 4 qt but im not sure on that) and its almost like baseball how many at bats does he gets before he actually hits the ball and knocks it out the park instead of buntin of just takin walks.. its like he doesnt want to take the chance i really dont get it...

ok so i just realized for those of you that dont know what the fuck im talkin about ill start the whole story over from the very first thing that has happened.. its like a fuckin movie almost.. ok so i met jason for the first on june 11,2006 at my godmother's 60th birthday party i was wearing this really fucking sexy boobs poppin all over the place bright orange dress... i was all done up and i didnt think anythin of it and i really didnt even talk to him much that night cuz i had so much family in town and i was all about them and honestly i always thought he had a thing for caro cuz caro was looking pretty sexy that night too. actually we all did.. ok so moving right alond i didnt seem again till june 24,2006 when i had an allergic reaction to jalapeno peppers and it was bad i was sittin on the couch rolled up in a blanket not able to stare at anythin and they were busy playin their DS mario cart was what they were playin... ok is it sad that i remember every day that i saw him... god i need help.. after i moved in with joe he has come by 3 time that i have been home and i usually go to sleep all kinds of early.. usually its joe gabe jason and mike, and me only really cuz i live there.. but anyways and well last time he came by was oct 14, 2006 where we just hung out and i didnt drink but i did smoke somethin so i was feelin pretty happy and gabe was feelin pretty happy and joe was passed out all in all we were pretty happy people.. jason was drinkin and smokin but said he didnt feel high so whatever we sat on the couch and watched tv and like talked till like 4 in morning and it felt good to talk to someone other than my loves.. and so from this the forth i felt somethin. somethin im not too sure i know how to explain it but i couldnt get him out my head.. so then the next weekend caro comes into town and we are talkin about it and she tells me to be care with what i decide to do because he is joe friend and joe is not only my cousins the badass of my life he is also my roommate and if something goes bad you know i cant make things difficult for either one of them. ok so then on my way back from the airport after droppin caro off sad times very sad times. i was talkin to karla about my dilema and she said i should talk to joe cuz a lil birdy had told her that jason "really like, like really really" so then i moment i heard this my ears got hot my stomach got into knots.. so i knew i had to tell joe cuz things could get messy fast.. so tell joe and joe is totally cool with it and this is one of the many reason why i adore joe with all my heart. so we were supposed to go and hang out on oct 25,2006 but he said he had a test the next mornin at 8 am so we didnt but he got snowed in the next day so he didnt even take his test but anyways.. this boy is really bad with the phone thing he doesnt check it often or somethin and it drives me completly insane. so on oct 27, 2006 i was a costume party for my friends ben and alex and zach so i got pretty drunk and so i called him he didnt answer but he did send me a txt msg and he came over and hung out with me for a sec but it almost seemed like he was more interested in everyone else at the party than me. i was startin to sober up the time he got there and i noticed he stayed away from me some of the night and then i dont know i just ignored.. and i was like oh well he didnt know anyone he was just tryin to be nice and get to know everyone that was there but whatever so then i was like tomorrow will be very different cuz im goin to be at his house and im just gonna pull all the stops and he isnt goin to be able to resist me.. somehow that did not happen at all .. the complete oposite..
so oct 28, 2006 joe and i drive to bryers and for those of you that dont live in colorado and i felt like we were drivin to fuckin kansas ok its was just far.. so we get out there and he is Iron Man but whatever i didnt care i was a sexy french maid and i was freezin my ass off.. and i got nothin from me and a you look really nice from another girl. but i was like he is the host he is just busy. maybe later when every one is a lil drunker ill the attention i want.. no that wasnt the case and i drunk and nothin i was very talkative and i was lucky if he even looked at me and gave me a smile or maybe even a squeeze of the hand anythin really.. i shot my first gun while i was out there 45mm i was quite happy and i had crazy energy runnin through me but i somehow didnt get the balls enough to go up to him and kiss him which is what i wanted to do.. i kept playin in my head how i was gonna do and how it would have felt but i didnt do it. so i had a great conversation with his brothers who were quite interesting people to be around. and so last night around 9 pm while i was watching brothers and sisters i got this sick feeling in the pit of my stomach i just kept sayin to myself damn you are stupid your throwing yourself at this man and he wont give you the time of day and i was kickin my own ass over it so.. i decided to send him a msg and it said " this will be my last txt msg for a while im gonna stop throwing myself at you and gettin no responce and if you want me you know where to find me. " its been a lil over 10 hrs since i sent that msg and i still have no response so we will see what happens.. see why its like basket ball cuz i put the ball in his hands and he still wont make a move and i dont understand why... so now im so done and confused with my own self i most get back to work

Out of world experience...

2006-10-25T12:50:00.000-07:00

Ok so it's been three months since the only man that i think i will ever love left this planet. my grandfather left us with soo many questions on un answered and i don't tknow how to find closuer. this weekend was his mass for the 3 months that he was been gone and the whole week leading up to it i have felt like i have to cry and i haven't yet so i still like i should. on the other hand i think i finally found someone that might do me some good if he ever returns my phone call or a txt msg, about ready to give up on that too.. but back to my out of world experience.

so i have been feeling like my grandfather has been with me like his spirit has been in my house and in my room and with me like not just like in my mind like i've felt someone's touch on my back last night and trust me i was alone. so i was laying in bed listening to my ipod to alex rivas en vivo or whatever and feeling very un sure of what i was feeling at moment in time i felt like i was empty mostly because i had been talkin to karla and tellin her how i might hang out with jason tonight but i dont think that is goin to happend well simply because he hasnt called to say what we will be or might be doing. so im guessin we are not doin anything tonight so movin on.

so i was layin in bed listening to alex rivas feeling bad and it was la pava that was playing and i was like damn i want one more dance with papa. for him to dance with me but not like how we dance but how he learned to dance to spin me around the whole entire dance floor for it be a never ending dance.. but i turn to my side and my shirt is like pressed to my skin and all of the sudden i feel like the warmth of a hand on my left shoulder and it goes across my back to my right shoulder moves my shirt some and i was to afraid to see if i saw anyone but i knew there was no one there i knew these.. i went to bed alone.. so i put everything out my mind i did my best to fall asleep so i honestly dont know if he was there or if i making up... but now im reallly going to have to go see someone that speaks to the dead to tell me if he is with me cuz if he is i want to answer i few questions for me i need to answered so that i feel complete closure and maybe feel like the whole in my heart isnt as big as it really is. but now everyone things im crazy im signing off
love
nataly

Ok Life SuckS!!!

2006-10-16T09:22:00.000-07:00

Ok, So here I'm bored at work like always all though I shouldn't be my boos has pleanty for me to cuz she is too damn lazy to do it herself oh well but there is something I must get off my chest before I brust. I'm as Lonely as Lonely can be.. I have a great family always something to do.. I'm never realy alone but its not the same.. I want a boy to hold me keep me warm.. to pretend to enjoy my silly tv shows, someone to be afraid to try my cooking and honestly tell me what they think.. someone to go to the movies or the mall with.. someone to spoil me some someone to show me that theirs more to life than sitting on the couch watching tv. so I was listening to radio on the way home and they said Denver was the # 1 city for singles.. I'm like fuck that sure if you are over the age of 21 enjoy the club scene and have the body of a victoria secrets model. Till then you have about the same life that I do. But I think I'm done venting of course I strarted to feel this way last night but hearing that this morning sent me over the edge. I'm done now

1st Dinner Party

2006-10-07T21:11:00.000-07:00

We all know by now that we have a Dinner Table now.. So last night we had our 1st DINNER Party we had Karla and Gabe over for Sushi and Godfather Part 3. I'm so totally excited about our table still that I can't wait for Caro to come home to so that we can have another one I never thoughtI would be so excited about having people over and like entretaining. I never thought that would be so in to but I guess we'll just have to see how the rest go

Bored

2006-10-07T20:58:00.000-07:00

Ok so I'm sitting here at the apartment bored out my mind.. It's Saturday night and Joe is at work and I have nothing to do.. so I'm sitting here wacthing MTV Tres and Rhiana is on with her Unfaithful track and it is kinda what I've been dealing with all week.. Ok So I'm still very hung up on Russ the guy that one of my post was based on the guy that was cheating on his girlfriend with me and I got hear them fight constantly. Well this week I felt invisable and I put my true feelings out there.. Please no one kill me here (Caro, Joe, Gabe and Karla) But sadly enough I feel like I love the loser.. I know how wants to be first to shot me in the brains maybe my sense will come back.. SOoOoO I told him this big mistake because he already knows how to use to me. He knows the right words to say to make me melt and I hate that but I allow it happen..
But in that same sentence I let him know how we would never be together well simply because I can't trust him to be more than like 3 feet out of my sight cuz I know what he will do.. cuz as the saying say old habits die hard.. all he had to say was that im doing something right cuz I'm still around and there have been many other girls and he still comes back to me .. that made me feel really bad and I wanted to run and get tested again cuz of him.. But I'm gonna try and stay away from him.. I will try and I can't keep putting myself in his hands for him to hurt me. I can't allow it any more.

My Bad

2006-10-06T08:16:00.000-07:00

Ok so I haven't been on here in a while I do applogize just havent had much to write about.. But I have some good News..... WE HAVE A DINNING ROOM TABLE!!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) how exciting is that... O for halloween I will be a French Maid isn't that just the funniest things you've ever heard. Well if anything else comes up I will write
Bye

Change of Names

2006-08-18T09:18:00.000-07:00

Anayah Marie
Santino Rafael
Tezzio Alfonso
Xiomara Apolonia

Why?!?!

2006-08-16T12:39:00.000-07:00

Why is that when you feel like shit someone's face comes into mind and then all of the sudden you forgot what was bothering you?
Does anyone know how the brain works... Yesterday I'm sitting at my desk feeling like crap about my last post and then all of the sudden the face of someone that I met and forgot came to mind. All I can remember is the way I felt when he held my hand for a little too long at my grandfather's funeral in New York.
I couldn't remember his name, all I knew is that for some reason I remember what he was wearing all 3 times that I saw him.
The name thing was driving me crazy so I called the one person I knew could help.. My cousin he told me his name but wanted to know why I wanted it and honestly I couldn't give him an answer because I really don't know why all of the sudden I want to know everything about him and I want to get to know him better..
This is what I remember of him..
I was getting ready to leave the funeral home to go to the airport to get on my flight to the Dominican Republic. I'm pushing my way to a massive crowd, I don't know what is left and what is right at this point in time. My head doesn't feel like it's attached to the rest of my body, my body doesn't feel like it's is mine, it feels heavy and tired. As I'm walking down the walkaway to the door I see him standing almost at the door but not really. Kinda how like the bibble describes the dude parting the red sea for his people to cross or whatever it was like he was the other side or something and the people I was weaving my way through were the red sea.. ( God I'm crazy) Oh well, moving on.. I stop to talk to him he gives me like a half hug and a kiss and kinda holds on to my hand. I tell him how my day was going and what was ahead of me for the rest of the day, he just gives me a soft look and tells me to hold my head up, and that everything would be ok. I really wanted to believe him but I couldn't I felt defeated and I just wanted sleep. But I didn't have the energy to fight him.

Don't ask me why but I started thinking about that and now I can't get the boy out my head. I don't think we are supposed to ever speak again because I tried to get in touch with him sicne he works at my cousins bodega but he is DR so I think fate just wanted us to meet. But that was all with other motives other than just to meet.
Who knows we'll have to wait and see.

I HATE YOU!!!

2006-08-14T19:42:00.000-07:00

Tell me why I felt for his lies AGAIN!!!! How was I so dumb to believe he wanted to be with me?? He is so happy with her, even though the fight everyday. I don't get why he had to lie to me. Did I know he was lying and just let him do it so that I felt the warmth of his kisses and smoothness of his touch. Was I that lonely that I knew it was a lie but I didn't care to see what was in front of me.
I just can't believe I let him walk all over my heart. He knows what he does to me, how I can't say no to him even though that has to change right now.. Because this habit needs and has to stop now because my heart can't take anymore of this, the lies and the hearing then fighting from now he is no one to me I just can't believe I never really knew this guy I had known for 2 years. I was 18 when I met him on a Friday night, the premier night of Spider-Man 2 June something I think it was June 2 . I remember it like it was yesterday he looked so good and so sleepy , he looked like a slimmer Dave Mira with a cross of like the guy that sign in Fort Minor and he looked so good. He had all these tattoos and piercings that just drove me crazy from far ways and once I had a taste I was hooked and I wanted and needed more of him. I wanted to kiss and be a part of every little inch of him. He was so complex and always kept me hanging on a string. He never really wanted to be my boyfriend and he made it very clear.
Yet I stuck around, I stuck around to when he left for Texas for some "famiy issues" and came back with a fiance. I stuck around till the had problems are were done. I stuck around till he was "ready" for a new relationship. So I had a fling with one his friends and came back to him and then he left me again for his fiance because she needed help a family member just died. And know they fight like cats and dogs and I can't stand it because now I live on the floor above them.
Just my Luck right! I kinda asked for this I knew that before I moved in I just didn't know every time they fought he was gonna come running into my arms and make me feel like shit. And I didn't know I was gonna have to hear every fighm for intended to be the other woman in his life I intended on being the only woman in his life to own his heart to feel his real love not just pieces. Now with a broken heart and brused ego. I walk away from him and hopefully I can be strong enough to stay away from him.

There is a very good song from Destiny's Child Destiny fufilled CD Bad Habit... " I toldmyself I would make some changes, but the more I change there is one thing that remains the same... I can't seem to shake you, you seem to really have a hold on me. And every time we break up we turn around and make up, this can't go on I gotta move on. It's not the fact that I don't love you no more but I have to break this bad habit, can't take this bad habit no more.

My World Stopped

2006-08-10T07:14:00.000-07:00

Yet again my world has stopped the man that I knew I would love unconditionally for the rest of my life has left me. I don't want to say he totally left me because I know his spirit and the memories I hold so dear are there for me to look back on remember him, smell him and I know he will always be there.
He was life, he was the sun that rose every morning. His laugh shock the world, and his eyes kind as ever, softer than a baby's safety blanket. He was the reason why I'm the way I'm. He was a very complex person yet very uncomplicated, he was simple. He knew what he needed to get a complished even though at the age of 91 almost 92. He knew his wife needed to be taken care.
He loved each one and all of us... his kids and grandkids is his own way, all he wanted was for us to be happy. I'm gonna miss him jus like I miss the sun when the sun doesn't rise because it's raining, miss the bird chirp in the winter, and when the world feels like it is moving my heart will feel like it will never beat again. This is like no other pain I have ever felt in my life. I have the love and care of the peope I love the most in my life the fantabulous five you who you are and I wil love them like I have loved no one in my life.
May my grandfather the love of my life Rest In Peace, Now that he will find what he was always looking for a I hope he watches over me.
Te Quiero Mucho Papa Juanico

Joey... I have sweeter names for my kids.. :-p

2006-07-17T14:16:00.000-07:00

Anayah Marie
Yahaira Apollonia
Santino Rafael
Tazzio Alfonso
Hey but don't ask me about a last name well shit not married and not planing to have kids anytime soon but when I do I have my name picked out.. I think I'm a head of the game.. Hehe

Don't ever

2006-07-14T07:44:00.000-07:00

Don't ever call Qwest if you have short temper and dont like to wait for things.. THEY TAKE FOREVER!!!!!

Ready..Set..GO!!!!

2006-07-11T07:44:00.000-07:00

And now my new race starts running from my parents.. Thank you asshole of all asshole for opening your big ass mouth and telling the whole world the one thing I'm must ashmed of.. Not only I'm embarassed that I let myself be the fool in this situation but to make sure it gets to my parents ears.. You don't deserve to be alive to don't deserve anythin you have. Why do you ask I'm so mean to this person? Here is the answer... He betrayed me and my cousins... He chose a dirty bitch that has him blind with her lust that she calls love... He was always the one that said I will always be there for you no matter what cuz blood is thicker than water... He chose her over his blood.. and then he has the... uhh whats the word I'm looking for... cuz balls he doesn't have.. he wants to bring me down in order to make himself and his stupid girl look good infront of the whole family, if wants to play dirty he picked the wrong bitch to start off with.. he will now relly see that I like to run my mouth.. cuz to refresh everyone I was have a big mouth and I tell everyone everything( so he says) so if I do this now I'm going to do it with more pleasure.. at least at 19 im living on my own while he is still living at mommy and daddy's house at the age of 26 with a wife or something like that. Which I made add is a fake marrige if I ever seen one.. but anyways.. All I'm going to say is when I get my hands on him he is going to wish he had never put my buisness out to his mother or to anyone at this matter and I can't believe that he would do such a thing.. but I can play that say game only maybe a little worse he forgets that I know more than what I pretend not to know... He will wish he would have never said anything about me... I will make sure of it... I'm really not this mean I'm really sweet but he crossed a line that shouldn't be crossed and I will make sure that everyone knows who he really is that he is not the saint everyone thinks he is. Instead of how the songs says " X is coming for you" it's going to say " X you stupid son a bitch run and hide under mommy's skirt this Bitch will find you and shred you to piece.. cuz I'm coming for you and I wont be happy till I draw blood or tears.." Run a hide bitch I'm coming and you wont come out of this one alive you stupid asshole you are not gonna ruin my life like you have yours think again..

Cold

2006-07-10T06:42:00.000-07:00

So ever since I moved out my parents house they have been cold with me. They want to talk to me when I walk into someone's house as to predend like I haven't their home. I guess not to seem like they have done something wrong with my up bringing. Which is not true they have been great parents and all that good stuff I just can't live with them for reason they must understand. Which they probably will never understand. I don't like to be told what I can and can not do it just doesn't feel normal to me. I like to feel like I'm making my own choices for me not because everyone else told me I want to feel free something I'm doing . They don't understand and it hurts. I'll get over it.

Oh GOD!!!!

2006-07-07T08:11:00.000-07:00

What have I done..... I can't believe I went down that road again.. I don't deserve to be his other woman, I deserve all not little pieces here and there. I can't do this anymore I have to become strong so he can't break me down with just a look. I see him with her and I become angry and can't believe I put myself there again, in his arms to feel his warmth and his kisses on my lips. Hearing him tell me how much he loves me no matter what I know how full of shit he really is. He never has and never will love me. He always says that its the never the right time for either one of us and I think it's just an excuse so he never has to commit to me. Why do I always put myself in this spot. I've known him for 2 years and it is always the samething and I always find myself being his mistress. Why doesn't he see that is not healthy for either one of us? He has a girl she lives with him in his house... but he says they sleep in separate rooms and why does she live there then. Why does he always prefer her over me? What does she give him that I don't?? Obivious not much since he always finds his way back to me.. I hate this why do I do this over and over.haven't i learned my leasson or do I have to do again again till my heart can't take anymore so then I know I can't do it... Someone please help me figure this out cuz apperently the plain fact that he hurts me it is not enough for me to hate him...

Trip to DR

2006-07-06T07:03:00.000-07:00

Not only am I finally moving out I bought my self a little present which is a trip to the Dominican Republic for my 20th birthday.. my parents were pretty pissed that I decided to buy it on my own without their permission and that I'm going by myself no parental control at all to say the least. I'm so excited about my trip it should be a blast because a few of my cousins that live in New York will be there at the same time that I will so it is promising to be a fun but very quick week indeed but I'm gonna love it either way.. I live 8/15 till 8/24.

Another Boring Day at WORK!!!

2006-07-06T07:00:00.000-07:00

so it 7:56 in the morning and my work day is supposed to start in 4 minutes guess what I have now like and I'm 20 minutes early to my shift and if it things go to plan I will be gettin off at 4:30 pm hopefully getting my cousins to help me start to move some of my clothes out of my house to Joe's apartment.. I'm sooo excited I can't wait, if we dont start moving clothes out then we will go to Target because I need a few things for my new room and for my trip so yeah... Hopefully I will get out of work early enough to do all this.

Lonely Girl

2006-07-05T20:58:00.000-07:00

Ok, before my girls kill me for saying this.. I love them to death but I want a man love too, besides like Joe and Gabe. I'm really not all that lonely cuz I have the love of 2 beautifl girls and 2 very handsome guys too... I'm pretty lucky, but we talked about this weekend some they know what I mean when I say I'm lonely... I just want a guy... Well I better get a more upbeat intro blog I promise I'm working on it.