life must go on

So I realized how sad those last post were, and it came to me that I've been quite sad lately. I'm not to sure why I don't if it's the fact that I hate my job, or that I wish I had someone to come to. Or maybe it's the fact that as lonely as I feel I don't want to let anyone close to me afraid that they will hurt. I don't want to go through the part of getting over the fact that they are no longer in my life. I really don't want to deal with all of that again I don't want to compare it to like mama and papa leaving us, but sadly I do. I don't know how not to feel alone after they left. And the thing that has me even more confused with my own being is that I want nothing more than to have what they had. That undying love, that love that more what you did that person will always be there, forgive all you mistakes. Why does it seem like that is so far from me that all I can do is dream and hope that someday I will have that. That I would want to come home and cook,clean for someone that just can't see life with out me. I only pray that I could be so lucky. Maybe I just need to stop being sad and look at life that I'm still here and that I still have the chance and that someday I will have that to.
I only hope