End of the CHAPTER RA>>

For those of you that did like Russ please raise your glasses up and cheer for the fact that is no longer a part or anywhere near being part of my life...
As for 1 am this morning all ties to him have been cut off. his number has been erased from my phone for good. and i miss him terribly and i dont know why. he has hurt me beyond belive and yet last night i felt like i was having a panic attack the moment i heard hey voice again downstairs.. why her? why must she haunt my life? i mean i never really met the girl and i really have nothing agaisnt her but God she has just about killed every hope that Russ would ever be my MAN. Oh boy! in some ways i have to thank her from saving me from the identity that is Russ. Laying in bed last night at 1 am listening to the screams that made my summer night complete, i felt like the air that i was breathing was intoxicated with venum and i couldnt and i didnt want to breath it but if i didnt would i have died? Or would i have died if i didnt know the true him and i hadnt been spared the moment of truth. When i moved in with Joe I felt like wow im finally gonna have the chance to do what i want when i want and i can see Russ how many times a week i want.. and then slowly the Russ i had built up in my head that man i thought was the end all beat all there was no one better for me than Russ, broke my heart but this time the damage was un fixable. He had broken my heart many many times before but oh this blow was directed at the base of the structure that was holding the thoughts of me and him being together. i felt like i had lost me when i lost him but ive been finding me, re building the fighter in me and finally she is back and wounded but she is fightin through it.

Last night at 1 am she was back and that was all the old me could take. I didnt have the balls to call him or the balls to go downstairs and them both to shut the fuck up well simply because i had been woken up from the warmest sleep i had been able to get in a long time and in the blink of an eye it was gone. i was cold short of breath and i couldnt quite piece everythin together i thought that i was dreamin till i was walking around my room looking for a sweater to feel warm again and that i was really hearing what i was hearing. i was looking for a warm spot to lay on my bed once my stomach starting hurtin and i felt like i was goin to be sick in the moments where i was in the bathroom deciding whether he was worth throwing up over i realized that i couldnt fisically take anymore of this.. of this hell he had just put me through. i did however have enough balls to tell him to erase me from his memory and phone and im tryin to do the same.

So like i said u werent to fond to the guy raise your glasses and kiss his ass goodbye.
Russ dont let the door hit you and your way out.
It maybe the toughest thing i may ever have to do in my life but in the long run i think it was what needed to be done to clean house..