Change of Names

Anayah Marie
Santino Rafael
Tezzio Alfonso
Xiomara Apolonia

Why?!?!

Why is that when you feel like shit someone's face comes into mind and then all of the sudden you forgot what was bothering you?
Does anyone know how the brain works... Yesterday I'm sitting at my desk feeling like crap about my last post and then all of the sudden the face of someone that I met and forgot came to mind. All I can remember is the way I felt when he held my hand for a little too long at my grandfather's funeral in New York.
I couldn't remember his name, all I knew is that for some reason I remember what he was wearing all 3 times that I saw him.
The name thing was driving me crazy so I called the one person I knew could help.. My cousin he told me his name but wanted to know why I wanted it and honestly I couldn't give him an answer because I really don't know why all of the sudden I want to know everything about him and I want to get to know him better..
This is what I remember of him..
I was getting ready to leave the funeral home to go to the airport to get on my flight to the Dominican Republic. I'm pushing my way to a massive crowd, I don't know what is left and what is right at this point in time. My head doesn't feel like it's attached to the rest of my body, my body doesn't feel like it's is mine, it feels heavy and tired. As I'm walking down the walkaway to the door I see him standing almost at the door but not really. Kinda how like the bibble describes the dude parting the red sea for his people to cross or whatever it was like he was the other side or something and the people I was weaving my way through were the red sea.. ( God I'm crazy) Oh well, moving on.. I stop to talk to him he gives me like a half hug and a kiss and kinda holds on to my hand. I tell him how my day was going and what was ahead of me for the rest of the day, he just gives me a soft look and tells me to hold my head up, and that everything would be ok. I really wanted to believe him but I couldn't I felt defeated and I just wanted sleep. But I didn't have the energy to fight him.


Don't ask me why but I started thinking about that and now I can't get the boy out my head. I don't think we are supposed to ever speak again because I tried to get in touch with him sicne he works at my cousins bodega but he is DR so I think fate just wanted us to meet. But that was all with other motives other than just to meet.
Who knows we'll have to wait and see.

I HATE YOU!!!

Tell me why I felt for his lies AGAIN!!!! How was I so dumb to believe he wanted to be with me?? He is so happy with her, even though the fight everyday. I don't get why he had to lie to me. Did I know he was lying and just let him do it so that I felt the warmth of his kisses and smoothness of his touch. Was I that lonely that I knew it was a lie but I didn't care to see what was in front of me.
I just can't believe I let him walk all over my heart. He knows what he does to me, how I can't say no to him even though that has to change right now.. Because this habit needs and has to stop now because my heart can't take anymore of this, the lies and the hearing then fighting from now he is no one to me I just can't believe I never really knew this guy I had known for 2 years. I was 18 when I met him on a Friday night, the premier night of Spider-Man 2 June something I think it was June 2 . I remember it like it was yesterday he looked so good and so sleepy , he looked like a slimmer Dave Mira with a cross of like the guy that sign in Fort Minor and he looked so good. He had all these tattoos and piercings that just drove me crazy from far ways and once I had a taste I was hooked and I wanted and needed more of him. I wanted to kiss and be a part of every little inch of him. He was so complex and always kept me hanging on a string. He never really wanted to be my boyfriend and he made it very clear.
Yet I stuck around, I stuck around to when he left for Texas for some "famiy issues" and came back with a fiance. I stuck around till the had problems are were done. I stuck around till he was "ready" for a new relationship. So I had a fling with one his friends and came back to him and then he left me again for his fiance because she needed help a family member just died. And know they fight like cats and dogs and I can't stand it because now I live on the floor above them.
Just my Luck right! I kinda asked for this I knew that before I moved in I just didn't know every time they fought he was gonna come running into my arms and make me feel like shit. And I didn't know I was gonna have to hear every fighm for intended to be the other woman in his life I intended on being the only woman in his life to own his heart to feel his real love not just pieces. Now with a broken heart and brused ego. I walk away from him and hopefully I can be strong enough to stay away from him.

There is a very good song from Destiny's Child Destiny fufilled CD Bad Habit... " I toldmyself I would make some changes, but the more I change there is one thing that remains the same... I can't seem to shake you, you seem to really have a hold on me. And every time we break up we turn around and make up, this can't go on I gotta move on. It's not the fact that I don't love you no more but I have to break this bad habit, can't take this bad habit no more.

My World Stopped

Yet again my world has stopped the man that I knew I would love unconditionally for the rest of my life has left me. I don't want to say he totally left me because I know his spirit and the memories I hold so dear are there for me to look back on remember him, smell him and I know he will always be there.
He was life, he was the sun that rose every morning. His laugh shock the world, and his eyes kind as ever, softer than a baby's safety blanket. He was the reason why I'm the way I'm. He was a very complex person yet very uncomplicated, he was simple. He knew what he needed to get a complished even though at the age of 91 almost 92. He knew his wife needed to be taken care.
He loved each one and all of us... his kids and grandkids is his own way, all he wanted was for us to be happy. I'm gonna miss him jus like I miss the sun when the sun doesn't rise because it's raining, miss the bird chirp in the winter, and when the world feels like it is moving my heart will feel like it will never beat again. This is like no other pain I have ever felt in my life. I have the love and care of the peope I love the most in my life the fantabulous five you who you are and I wil love them like I have loved no one in my life.
May my grandfather the love of my life Rest In Peace, Now that he will find what he was always looking for a I hope he watches over me.
Te Quiero Mucho Papa Juanico