life must go on

So I realized how sad those last post were, and it came to me that I've been quite sad lately. I'm not to sure why I don't if it's the fact that I hate my job, or that I wish I had someone to come to. Or maybe it's the fact that as lonely as I feel I don't want to let anyone close to me afraid that they will hurt. I don't want to go through the part of getting over the fact that they are no longer in my life. I really don't want to deal with all of that again I don't want to compare it to like mama and papa leaving us, but sadly I do. I don't know how not to feel alone after they left. And the thing that has me even more confused with my own being is that I want nothing more than to have what they had. That undying love, that love that more what you did that person will always be there, forgive all you mistakes. Why does it seem like that is so far from me that all I can do is dream and hope that someday I will have that. That I would want to come home and cook,clean for someone that just can't see life with out me. I only pray that I could be so lucky. Maybe I just need to stop being sad and look at life that I'm still here and that I still have the chance and that someday I will have that to.
I only hope

IDK

So I'm laying here in bed thinking of all that is going on in my world right now and I can't help but to blame myself. How do I get so twisted and confused when it comes to men. Ok for those of you that me, know that I fall in love to easily, I think that who ever this guy may be pne night in his arms is all I need and I think it's more than what it really is. Case and point Justin met him at work real chill guy and just gorgeous, we hung out a few times spent a few nights with him. Thought things were going good actually thought that I could possibly have a relationship with this guy. But of course I got my signals mixed again and that was not what he was after. I almost knew that but I wanted to believe otherwise just keep hope alive that maybe I wasn't going to be alone. But of course here I'm on a rainy night with a horrible headache all alone in this bed wanting so hard to be asleep to cure my headache. But sleep seems to be out of the question, because I want to feel someone else's body heat next to mine. One can only wish, right that someday all dreams and wants will be fulfilled, that happiness will find me. I'm seriously ready to get a girlfriend or give up on finding love all together.

what is the world doing to me

Ok so if life didn't suck enough I get yet another reason to be sad. And it always at the time when I want nothing more than to be happy. I finally got fed up with my job well simply because I've spent to much of my time flirting with the males at work. And now the search starts for a new job. And I'm looking at this job at the hospital with my mom. But hopefully I get it, I need a changed in life.