Bored

Ok so I'm sitting here at the apartment bored out my mind.. It's Saturday night and Joe is at work and I have nothing to do.. so I'm sitting here wacthing MTV Tres and Rhiana is on with her Unfaithful track and it is kinda what I've been dealing with all week.. Ok So I'm still very hung up on Russ the guy that one of my post was based on the guy that was cheating on his girlfriend with me and I got hear them fight constantly. Well this week I felt invisable and I put my true feelings out there.. Please no one kill me here (Caro, Joe, Gabe and Karla) But sadly enough I feel like I love the loser.. I know how wants to be first to shot me in the brains maybe my sense will come back.. SOoOoO I told him this big mistake because he already knows how to use to me. He knows the right words to say to make me melt and I hate that but I allow it happen..
But in that same sentence I let him know how we would never be together well simply because I can't trust him to be more than like 3 feet out of my sight cuz I know what he will do.. cuz as the saying say old habits die hard.. all he had to say was that im doing something right cuz I'm still around and there have been many other girls and he still comes back to me .. that made me feel really bad and I wanted to run and get tested again cuz of him.. But I'm gonna try and stay away from him.. I will try and I can't keep putting myself in his hands for him to hurt me. I can't allow it any more.