OHH WONDERFULL DAY... NOT!!!

Ok you know its going to be a bad day when ur alarm clock skips a head an hour and u wake up way way way earlier than what u were supposed tooo. well that is how my day started. on the way to work i kept remembering the day that papa died and what i did first and how the rest of that day played out all of it i remember it like if i was standing outside a window and re livin that horrible day and this whole time.. i was thinking to myself is today the 22nd and yes it was its have been 4 months to the day that we lost our rock.. so im already sad when i get to work and find my father there.. im not in the mood for his controling ways today and of course that is how the day starts at work he wants me to write an email for him so i do so far nothing to bad and then he stars with his i need and this and this.. and its like it 7 in the morning i ve been up for way too long and it ways too early in the morning for u to start barking orders at me..but whatever i go on doing what im doing they way i want to cuz well im sad and i dont feel like doing much.. i look over at my desk and there are piles and piles of papers and im like why is my desk the dirtiest one oo i know i do everyones work plus mine.. but im salary so it really doesnt matter that i feel like shit and i dont want to be here i have put a smile on and pretend that i want to be here. so then whatever he starts checking the orders that are about to go out and he is like wait we have this and this and this why isnt it on the invoice or they order.. i was like maybe cuz it was done 6 pm and everyone here wanted to go home and honestly didnt feel like looking to through the mess that is our warehouse just a thought.. i never actually said this to him cuz well he is my father and my mom has told me that i need to stop taking my anger that i hold in from work at him but it soo hard to do when is one of the main reasons why i need to lash out on someone.. but i resisnting every urge i have to just go nuts and let him have it.. i still havent i just roll my eyes and pretend i dont hear him.. and then he asks me when he can make an appointment to get my brakes and oil changed and i was like well since im paying for ur daughter cell phone and well she decided she wanted to talk up a strom this month i dont know when.. he goes ur mother and i will be helping you with that bill and i was like ok well i dont know cuz i would like to buy some xmas gifts and he like dont be stupid and waste ur money on gifts... and i was just like since it doesnt look like im gettin my bonus for work and i dont think ill be able to afford anything really.. and he was like u will get ur bonus i was like no im not its not gonna happen.. so i guess this xmas will be a sad one for me.. i always get such a joy from giving people something i know they want or that they may need and i wont get to this year and it sucks!!! its bad enough that my dad still feels like he needs to control every part of my life even though i dont live with him any more i made the choice to leave and yes im struggeling a lil bit but its part of life for him to make me cry over the silliest thing like not being able to buy gifts its stupid and i cant believe he made me cry over that... and its almost like he wants to see what a mistake im making for leavin his house but i dont regret it and finally finding me and what i want and what i need with him tryin to control everything even though he does.. so know i feel like i need to cry some more and want to be alone for a while.. sorry everyone but i wont be having xmas glow or glee my father just stole xmas from me..